Would you like some cheese with that whine?

[beccavox]

I have to get this out of my system. I am so fucking tired of being ill that I want to scream. My Interstital Cystitis is kicking my ass, and my life is suffering for it. It hurts too much to go to work. It hurts too much to go have fun. It hurts too much to think. And it's not going anywhere.

I've been in pain with the IC for almost four years now. That's too long to hurt. My doctor ordered rehab, and it helped. Then my insurance refused to pay for it because I was getting better. I wasn't at 100%, but that was enough, apparently. So I've kept up the exercises that I can do unassisted, but it's not enough. I've had 'bladder installations' in which lidocaine is physically pumped into my bladder. It helps, but a treatment only lasts 2-3 days. At the moment, I'm fighting a bladder infection (that could have been caused by the installation, go figure).

Pissed off is an understatement. I am livid. I want to destroy cities.

But the anger doesn't make it feel better. So I try to relax, meditate, and, most importantly, take my mind off the constant pain. So far, nothing is helping. I don't want to make the move toward pain medication; I want to treat this by fighting it, and not by giving in. But, it is, at the moment, winning.

I need to find my way back to hope.

Comments

[hollycole1.livejournal.com]

Sounds horrid.  How does insurance work with this?  Are there natural alternatives?

[beccavox.livejournal.com]

Insurance will cover doctor visits and medication. I was in physical therapy, which really helped, but insurance won't cover more than three months of visits. I can still do some of the exercises at home, but it's not quite working as well. Diet is also a factor; I've discovered that tomatoes are food I need to avoid (and they are my favorite thing ever). I'm still playing around with foods to see what might be a trigger and what's safe.

I'm feeling a bit better than when I posted this. I think I just had to scream for a bit so I could start over. :)

How are you? I know you had some health issues earlier this year. I hope all is going well. I love following all your travels on Facebook, but 'talking' there isn't as easy!